When things change…

With the Yoga day not far from us now, we have had a really interesting time over the past couple of weeks figuring out how to navigate a system we devised, that we are comfortable with, and yet in the background most of the team are needing support of one kind or another.

We are a great team, and paramount to our community is looking out for each other, so there are a few changes afoot, but all good!!

 

As you read the newsletter below, perhaps have in mind how you feel about your body, it's changes, it's fluctuations and how as a team we can help each other, which is the most humbling thing I can think of in this human realm.

 

B-reg body

So, here I am in this body. Which is, I have noticed of late, becoming less and less youthful and reliable in the kind of “old-but-lovely’ way I used to think of my first car, a VW B-reg golf. It had 4 forward gears, and would shake uncontrollably if forced above 60 mph, (funnily enough that’s what my body things of running) which with long journeys from Devon to Newcastle (at the time), constantly refreshed my understanding of patience. So here we are in a B-reg body, me, myself and I, all in love with life, yet now coaxed into submission by forces beyond it's control…

MOT

It’s not that I am unwell, more a needing time to restore and revitalise. A kind of MOT, although maybe its more of a deleting of old clonky stuff and upgrading to a more efficient battery? Who knows. I apologise if you are a mechanic and are wincing at all my analogies. Just to say that having a good honest community close to you can help you to see what you're perhaps too close to observe...

The constant updating project

On the face of it, I realise that when my body decides it is going to stop functioning at that regular and reliable pace it has kept up for so long, there is little I can do to change its trajectory.

I had a car (not the VW) ages ago which did have a "turn" in the snow in the Pennines just before Christmas one year.
It just stopped.
Like it was being flogged to death and finally gave up. Honestly I was (and still am) head- scratchingly bemused by this; Surely a mechanical thing works or doesn’t work, not this slow & mournful crawl to death.
But I can use that experience as a metaphor to how my current energy bank is working since Sunday’s episode. ( Not that I feel I’m crawling to my doom!) and incidentally the car did come back to life with a swift whack on the starter-motor after a bit of a break. (I didn't need a "whack" luckily)

Sunday
Ah so, Sunday was a bit of a body-drama, I won’t go into gory details, but just to say it was pretty gory and painful, glad its now moved into the "Past" category of understanding, although my sub-conscious might have something to say about that.
There was a moment there where I did wonder if I were going mad. Turns out that’s a neurological re-calibration! hurrah!(check out the link)

Save it till you’re ready

I’m shocked with myself that I know so little about this era of life, (mid-life) which I am assured by doctors and friends these events are normal for, wait for it.. peri-menopause. How on earth did I get to this age and have so little clue about what it might entail?
Honestly - I think I just wasn’t fully invested till it started happening to me! So fair enough if you don’t read all of this! I don’t blame you, save it till you’re ready. And for men, it could be useful....
What’s in the bank?

So normally I would have 100% energy in a day, let’s call this £100 in the bank. This will peter out after spending time teaching and then eating etc, and slow down to about £50 mid-afternoon prompting me to stop and rest (yoga Nidra time- yey!) heading back up to about £65 to get me through smoothly to the evening, which is a steady slope to a happy book-reading £20 when I’m finally tucked up- priceless sleep comes next.

Recovery time

However, when a strange hormonal (I’m assuming- haven’t got the results back yet) imbalance shakes my piggy bank upside-down and takes out half of my bank account, by lunch time I’m just about making it to £30 tops (ready for bed). I’m left with a much longer recovery time mid-afternoon (basically coppers). Sleep is really busy with dreams that turn everything into metaphor and puzzles, so not topping me up as much as I’m used to (maybe half as well ).  And the daytime is dominated by a highly sensitive set of radars- newly introduced, warning me that I’m headed towards my overdraft. (Perhaps these radars use up a bit of that cash?) Although, I must extoll the benefits of Yoga Nidra at this point. (a good hefty wodge of "cash")
Buddha

Anyway it is an interesting experiment being in a human body, and observing its changes, it’s swerves, its “curve balls” and how to stay with it, and keep my sense of self- observation during stressful and painful times. I am reminded of something I only learned recently, that the statues of the Buddha lying on his side were a representation of him on his death bed, (not that I’m there!) a kind of ode to being able to meditate and be at one with the human body even in its most vulnerable states. I’ve got to say Buddha really nailed that one, and he’s a great influence. Definitely a yogi.

Yoga
Recently, I have changed my closing wording for my yoga classes, to something like:
"Thank yourself for your yoga practices- in all its forms"
The way I see it, our Yoga is a living thing, living in us and with us always.

This brings me to bask guilt free and soberly within the sense of appreciation and gratitude I have for the community of like minded people who send their well wishing, their love and their support in so many ways when things change and make things a bit tricky. You don't need to be an "expert" to send a bit of love.
This is the Yoga of integration that I aspire to practice on as many levels as possible, the yoga mat being only one of those levels.
This is what I experience as "real life" dharma. (Truth)

Perhaps this newsletter is more of an affirmation of not wasting our precious time in these fleeting lives of ours... "do what you love and love what you do" ..? ahh a great quote.

Much love.

K.Hancock March 1st 2024

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